


You left

by MiriamMT



Series: Gallavich OneShots (no smut) [33]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Hurt Ian Gallagher, Hurt Mickey Milkovich, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Parents Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22461190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamMT/pseuds/MiriamMT
Summary: Ian and Mickey are happy with their family life - or so everybody thought. So Mickey thought. But one morning Ian suddenly left.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Gallavich OneShots (no smut) [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1525730
Comments: 6
Kudos: 128





	You left

**Author's Note:**

> not my best work I admit  
> I always had that Idea in my head and loved it, but I didn't excecute it perfectly

Ian just put the three year old Yevgeny to bed and finally joined his boyfriend on the couch.  
"That took you long, how many bedtime stories did you read him?" The older man chuckled.  
"Just one, but you know him, always trying to drag out the time by asking a hundred questions" he grinned and pushed Mickey down on the couch to put his long body on top of him.

Mickey smiled and kissed the top of Ian's head while taking a blanket to drape it over the two of them. Ian took the remote from the coffee table and put their show on that they were currently binging.

"I love you Mickey", Ian mumbled.  
The older man smiled while massaging Ian's scalp calmly, "I love you too."

Ian probed himself up and looked him in the eyes.  
"What?" Mickey asked confused but smiling when Ian just kept looking without saying anything.  
"Nothing just... You make me so happy every single day. I could spend my whole life just like this. You and me and Yevy. I can't think of a better life."

Mickey smiled up at him. It meant a lot to him that he said that.  
They were just coming from a rough time. The last years everything was fine, they were together lived together since Mickey came out to his dad. They had the child and everything in their lives worked out right now.

But the last weeks had been hard. Someone snitched to the officials that Svetlana and Mickey, despite being married, weren't a couple and that he was with another man. So, they deported her back to Russia, despite Mickey and Ian's efforts.

That seemed to throw Ian off. For weeks he was reckless and wild and loud, Mickey had no idea what was going on with him. He was acting like he was on a trip. Then it was suddenly over and Ian had been so ashamed and felt guilty because of the way he behaved that he just lay in bed for a week without moving. Mickey had been worried sick. But now everything seemed to be okay again.

Ian leaned down to kiss him.  
"I had never thought I wanted a life like this. Cuddling with a man in front of the TV while the kid sleeps next door. Thanks to you I don't want anything else. You made me boring and sappy", Mickey mumbled.  
Ian chuckled, and a faint sadness lay in his eyes.  
"I like it when you're open and soft from time to time." He licked his bottom lip and pecked his lips, "I don't ever want to lose you and our family."

The next morning Ian was gone.

Mickey just found a note on the bed where Ian should be.

**I'm so sorry**  
**I love you**

Mickey thought it must be a joke or some fucked up nightmare. He looked everywhere in the house for him. He called him a hundred times, but he didn't pick up.  
He went to the Gallagher house, but they also had no idea where Ian might be and didn't hear from him.

The siblings tried to call him all around, but Ian didn't pick up. Mickey even called Mandy, but she also hadn't heard from him.  
Mickey called everyone he knew did so much as look at Ian once. He turned around every fucking stone in the south side. But Ian stayed gone.

Yevgeny couldn't understand what happened. When his mom left that was hard for him, but she said goodbye and told him how much she loved him.  
Ian was just gone. From one day to the other. For some time, Yevgeny was afraid to go to sleep because he thought Mickey might be gone as well when he woke up again.  
It broke Mickeys heart.

Ian Gallagher left him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**3 years later.**

Mickey just dropped of Yevgeny at school. It was his first year and he still liked going to school. He liked learning new things and Mickey was proud of him and praised him for everything new He learned.

He went to work himself.  
Since he was all alone with Yevgeny, he had gotten his ass up and got a real job, a legal job so Yevy would never lose him, too, due to the police catching him at a scam or some shit.

He didn't socialise a lot with his co-workers, he wouldn't call them his friends. He had a hard time opening up to just anyone he met these days.  
But that's why he liked working there. Those people knew nothing about him. They didn't know the story with Ian, they didn't know about Svetlana or his dad, they hardly even knew he was gay. He could just have meaningless small talk with them if he wanted to.

It was different when he was in the Alibi for example. Kevin by now learned to not mention the ginger. But everything there reminded him on Ian and his former, perfect life. When he talked with Kev, he could always feel the tension, he knew the man was this close to ask if he had heard anything from Ian or how he felt about it by now.

That was the reason why he tried to stay as far away from the other Gallaghers as possible. He used to have a good relationship with Ian's younger siblings. But since Ian left, he hadn't talked to them. Fiona and Lip never particularly liked him, but Fi came over a few times in the beginning to see how he was doing. She tried to comfort him and help out with Yevgeny, and yes it was nice, but Mickey just wanted her gone.

He wanted to forget about Ian. And sometimes, sometimes he even made it to forget him for five minutes.  
And yet, it was the first thought in the morning when he woke up and saw the empty space next to him in the bed.

After work he drove home. Usually he would get Yevgeny now, but he had a play date with Kevs children today and he would get them from school.

He used the time to relax at home. He let himself fall on the couch and sighed. He was about to look for the remote when someone knocked on the door.

He looked in the direction and considered just staying put on his comfy spot and ignore whoever was on the door.  
But the person knocked again, and Mickey somehow got the feeling whoever was there wouldn't just leave on their own.

So, the Milkovich got up and slowly walked to the door. He opened annoyed and immediately recognised who was standing in front of him.

Ian Gallagher.

The freckled ginger man stood in front of him. Mickey wasn't sure if he was dreaming.  
Ian stood in front of him after three years without a sign from him and Mickey felt a thousand things at once.

He was glad he was alive, he was confused why he came back, he was happy to see him again, he was sad to be reminded on his leaving. And he was angry.  
Over all the time Ian was gonna he had felt sad most of the time. But now when he laid eyes on him again, he just... he just felt anger flowing through his veins.

"Hey Mick" the Gallagher mumbled uncertain, he bit his bottom lip and didn't dare to look him in the eyes.

Mickey didn't hesitate and threw the door back shut.  
Ian started hammering on the door.

"Mickey, please, let me in!" He yelled from the other side, "Let me explain, please!"

Mickey didn't want to hear an explanation. He had waited three years for an explanation, for a call or a text, a fucking sign that he was even still alive. He had gotten nothing. The one night Ian promised him love and a future and the next morning he was just gone without another word!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian banged his fist against the door and shouted for Mickey to just hear him out. 

He needed to explain everything to him, but how was he supposed to do that if Mickey wasn't willing to listen?

"Mickey, please, I can explain everything! Just listen to me, Mick, baby, please!" 

He had missed him every day he was gone, every single day. Him and Yevgeny.  
He wanted nothing more than to be with Him and come back. It just wasn't possible until now.

All this time the thought about coming back to his family was what kept him going every single day. He hadn't taken much with him when he left, but he had taken a photograph of him, Mickey and Yevgeny that he kept close to him Every single second. 

He had left his keys at home back then to not be tempted so much to go back before he should. Right now, he could slap himself for that.

Ian leaned his head against the door and tears started spilling out of his eyes.  
"Mickey, please, please just talk to me, let me explain, baby"

He had no idea for how long he stood leaned against the door just crying and begging.  
He was eventually interrupted by laughter of children.

Ian turned around to the street and immediately recognised Kevin. The tall man was accompanied by two black girls and a small, blond boy.

"Yevgeny?" Ian asked when the three kids opened the gate to the Milkovich house.

The boy stopped and looked up at him. Ian smiled.  
"Yevy, hey" he wiped his face with his sleeves and walked down the stairs to him, "You've gotten big, I'm so happy to see you"

Yevgeny stood still like paralyzed and stared up at the man.  
Ian wondered a thousand times in the last three years, if Yevgeny would even recognise him once he came back.

Before Ian could say another word to the boy, he heard the front door being opened, and in the next moment Mickey rushed past him, took Yevgeny's hand and dragged him inside without looking at Ian. Ian looked after them and flinched visibly when the door was thrown shut again.

Ian sobbed and turned around to Kevin and his daughters that just looked at him confused.  
"So, You're back" Kevin stated.  
Ian nodded, "For a few hours. I just need to talk to Mickey, I just want to explain it... fuck"

"Fuck is right" Kevin sighed, "Why don't you come with us for tonight? I don't think Mickey will open that door for you just now. And your siblings were worried sick too, were you there already?"  
"No" Ian looked back to the house that used to be his home, "I needed to talk to Mickey first. But he won't let me."

"You just left him for three years... what did you think how he would react when you came back?"  
Ian swallowed hard and whimpered while wiping his face with his sleeves again.  
"Okay, come with us. Calm down a bit and tell your siblings and us what happened." Kevin put a gentle hand on Ian's back and guided him back to the Gallagher house. Before they left, he threw another look over his shoulder and could see Yevgeny looking through the living room window and Mickey pulling him away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Mickey was on edge the whole time. He made mistakes at work and just growled at his co-workers.

Yesterday evening Yevgeny had asked a lot of questions. He remembered Ian, remembered the ginger man he called dada for years.

He didn't recognise him right away, but he eventually put two and two together when he saw how out of it his father was all of a sudden. And then the boy got out the photos Mickey once hid when Ian left. And he went through the photos and recognised the man who came back as the man that held him all the time.

So, Yevgeny asked and asked if it was Ian, his dada, and if he would come back and if he would stay and Mickey didn't want to talk about it and just mumbled "I don't know" all too often.

Mickey got Yevgeny from school and drove them home without saying a word to his son, too caught up in his own head.

When they got home, he already saw Ian sitting on the stairs to his front porch again. He saw him and he wanted to do something between punching and kissing him.

He wanted to have a fucking explanation and at the same time he didn't want to hear another word out of his mouth ever again.

"Pops?", Yevgeny asked, "Why aren't we getting out of the car? Is it because of dad?"

Mickey grabbed the stirring wheel tightly and gritted his teeth.  
Yevgeny was the main reason Mickey was so angry. He was sad that Ian left him, but he was fucking angry with him that he left Yevgeny.

How often did the kid ask him "When is dada coming back?" Back then? Every time Mickey put him to bed when it was actually Ian's turn to do that.  
How often did Yevy cry and yell that he wanted his dada back and that he only wanted to hear his bedtime story from him?  
Too often for Ian to ever make it right again.

Over the years of being with the Gallagher he put up with a lot of shit. He crossed lines and sacrificed things for him, almost paid with his own life and sanity for loving him. He would probably always run back to him no matter how much Ian hurt him.  
But he had to draw the line somewhere. And he drew it at Yevgeny. He drew it at his son crying.

"Pops?", Yevgeny asked again.  
"Yeah, right, sorry Yev... get out of the car. But just ignore Ian okay?"  
"Why? Why am I not allowed to talk to him?"  
Mickey pressed his lips together and looked at him, " Just trust me."  
"Is he a bad man now?"  
"No" Mickey said quickly, he had taught Yevgeny about bad men, the kind that would hurt him and hit him and do unspeakable things, "Ian is not that kind of a bad man. But he did something wrong and I don't know why. I just don't want to give him the chance to do it again."

Yevgeny shrugged, not really understanding what his pops meant but not in the mood to discuss. They got out of the car and Mickey took his sons school bag.  
They walked up to the house and Ian got up from the stairs.

"Mickey, please, just let me come inside and let me explain" he already started begging when he saw Mickey, "Just hear me out, please!" His eyes were red from crying and Mickey could clearly see that the Gallagher didn't sleep last night.

Mickey walked up the stairs to the door and Ian grabbed his arm.  
"Mick! Please! I'm so sorry, baby, just give five minutes to explain!"

Mickey stared from his hand on his arm to his face and back.  
"How can you even dare to call me that?" Mickey growled and he heard Ian swallowing loudly, "Let go of me."  
"Mickey please, just five minutes...." He whispered and put both hands on Mickeys wrist, "I beg you"

Mickey stared at his wrist and Ian's hands on him. Pale, freckled fingers that he missed so much during the last three years. But the anger in him was stronger than the longing and the love. He felt Yevgeny's hand tightening around his other hand.

The Milkovich simply ripped his arm away from the Gallagher and quickly disappeared inside the house with his son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian didn't give up.  
He was always waiting at the house, begging and apologising, when Mickey and Yevgeny came home. He would just sit on the front porch for hours then, until it got dark and he eventually had to leave.

He even called Mickey a bunch of times, but Mickey ignored him like he ignored Mickey for years.

Finally, the weekend rolled around. Mickey sat on the couch in front of the TV, Yevy wanted to play outside in the yard.

After a while Mickey felt like checking on the boy and he also wanted to get a drink from the kitchen. The back door was opened since it's were Yevy left through.

Mickey looked outside and was surprised when he saw Ian talking to Yevgeny. The Ginger smiled while Yevgeny sat across from him on the grass and seemed to tell him about school and his friends.

Mickey walked down the stairs and up to them.  
"Yevgeny!" He exclaimed, "Go inside!"  
"But pops, I was just-"  
"Get inside!"

Mickey rarely got loud with Yevgeny. Very rarely, he always tried to contain his anger and be better than his own father. And right now, he wasn't angry at Yevgeny, he just wanted him to go away from the man who hurt him so much.

Yevgeny quickly ran inside, leaving Mickey alone with Ian, who quickly got up on his feet.

"And you fucking leave him alone!" He yelled at his ex-boyfriend, "What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you just come here after all this time and think I just let you come back just to hurt Yevgeny again? Fucking leave again, Ian, leave us alone!"

"No! Mickey, please, if you would just let me explain-"  
"You left!" Mickey screamed out.

There was so much pain in his voice Ian had to take a step back.

"No call, no text, no sign you were even alive for three fucking years! Do you know what that feels like? Every fucking day I watched the news I was afraid they found you somewhere dead in a ditch!"

Mickey was close to tears, Ian looked at him, he cried quietly, he felt like someone was choking him, he wouldn't even be able to say something if he wanted to.

"You told me that you wanted this life! You made me want it! You said you couldn't think of something better than this and then you just bailed! You let me dream about a fucking future with you, about a fucking perfect life, I was close to proposing to you!" He yelled, " And then you just disappeared and broke contact for years! And you left a fucking note saying _I love you and I'm sorry_! How could I believe you either of that?"

Ian sobbed, " I'm so sorry Mickey, I love you, I meant everything I said, I just... I can explain if you let me! I-"

"I did everything for you!" Mickey hissed, coming a step closer, he stared him in the eyes, "I got shot for you, twice. I came out for you even though dad could have killed me that night. I did everything you asked even though you did nothing for me when I needed you after dad caught us. And I was ready to put up with all of it, from your fucked attitude to your annoying siblings, because I loved you. And I thought, it's okay, because you love me too and that's all I need. And after all that you just left me though. It was all for nothing though.", he shook his head, "What on earth makes you think you even deserve a chance to explain yourself?"

They looked at each other, both equally in pain.  
Mickey exhaled deeply and turned around to go inside again.

"I'm sick" he heard Ian's weak voice behind him.

Mickey stopped and slowly turned around to him.  
"What?"  
"I left, because I'm sick." He said quietly, "And I didn't want to put you or Yevy through that."

They were standing a few feet apart.  
"Sick? I don't understand, what do you mean, sick?", he asked confused and worried.  
"Can I please explain inside? I know I hurt you, and I hurt Yevy, And I hate that I did that. But I had to..."

Mickey still loved this man despite all his efforts not to. And the word _sick_ filled him up with fear and concern. He sighed and nodded eventually.

He let Ian come into the kitchen and let him sit down at the kitchen table while Mickey stood across from him, leaned against a kitchen counter.

Ian let out a shaky breath.  
"You know that my mom has a mental disorder... She is bipolar. She put us through hell with it. It's extreme mood swings. She would be fucking happy the one second, reckless, spend all our money on drugs and presents for Debbie. And then she got depressed and slit her wrists on thanksgiving." 

"I know, you told me about that."  
Ian nodded and made a longer pause. "I have the same.", he whispered eventually, he sounded downright ashamed of himself.

"Before I left... You remember that I was weird, you said it was like I was on drugs. Bouncing off the walls like a maniac. And then I just lay in bed for a week without moving. I didn't want to admit it to myself... But I eventually had to. It was the same shit Monica had and she destroyed her kids' lives with it. I didn't want that for you or Yevy.", his voice was low, he looked at the ground.

"I left to get it under control. I thought, I could just get the right help, get the right meds and take the meds consistently for some time, do the opposite of what my mom did. And then when I have it under control, I could come back to you and explain it... It took longer than I thought."

Mickey swallowed hard, silent tears were spilling out of his eyes and he quickly dried them with his jacket.  
"You could have told me about that, Ian... I would have... I would have helped you with it."  
"I know you would. I never doubted that. But I didn't want that for you. The last years... I didn't always take my meds the way I should have, I wasn't always on top of it. I was in some really rough and low places. I didn't want you to have to see me like this. I didn't want Yevy to see me like this... I didn't want you to find me with slit wrists in the kitchen on Thanksgiving."

Mickey looked at the kitchen floor. The thought of seeing Ian like that made him sick already.  
"I knew me leaving would hurt you. But I knew it would hurt you less than if I would have stayed and you would have to watch me like that."

"How" Mickeys voice broke, "How bad did it get?"  
"Mick-"  
"How bad?"

Ian sighed and hesitantly pulled his sleeves up. Mickey sank down to his knees in front of him and took his wrists. He moved his thumbs over the thick scars on his pale skin.

"You shouldn't have had to go through this alone.", Mickey whispered and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry that I left you. I'm so sorry Mickey, I know I hurt you and Yevy and I won't be able to fix all of that. But I just wanted to protect you, baby. You and Yevy. I wanted to make sure I'm better so we can live our life and be happy."

Mickey moved his hands into his and put Ian's fingers to his lips.  
"And you're better now?" He whispered.  
Ian nodded, "I took my pills consistently for a whole year. I-I got it under control now. I just... I want to come back home to you and Yevy. It was the only thing that kept me going, I just wanted to come back and get our life back."

Ian took one of his hands out of Mickeys hand and got something out of his inner jacket pocket. It was the picture of him, Mickey and Yevgeny. Mickey smiled at the picture of the three of them.

"Can you forgive me?" Ian whispered, "Please, Mickey. I did it just to prevent worse."  
Mickey stood up and cupped his cheeks. He leaned his forehead against his.

"I Love you" Ian whispered.  
Mickey leaned in and put his lips softly on Ian's. Ian slightly gasped into the kiss and breathed against his lips relieved. He put his hands on the back of Mickeys neck.

"From now on, no secrets anymore and no running away, okay?", Mickey whispered, "I missed you so much"  
"I missed you too, every second. You and Yevy."

"I take care of you. I help you with that bipolar thing. And you make the last years up to Yevy."  
"And to you."  
"I don't care about me. I just... I was so fucking sad, I just wanted to spend my life with you. I'm just angry for Yevy. But I get it... I understand why you left. Fucking selfless idiot" he mumbled, "I just want to forget about it and have you back."

Ian kissed him again, staying slow and soft. Mickey pulled back an Inch when he felt tears on Ian's face.  
"You're crying"  
"Just happy", he mumbled, "I waited for this for so long. When you wouldn't talk to me when I came back, I was scared I actually really blew it forever."

"Come here", he whispered and dried his tears before kissing him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~○●~~~~

Mickey had prepared dinner for them. Ian had gone back to the Gallagher house to get his things and now was finished putting his clothes back into the closet where they belonged.

He came into the kitchen and kissed Mickeys cheek.  
"I missed your cooking" he mumbled, "Yevy just showed me all of his school stuff."  
Mickey smiled, "He loves school. Is always excited to learn something new. And he's good at it too. But I guess, he's part Milkovich part Gallagher, so that love will wear off soon again."

Ian chuckled, "I missed a lot of great moments with Yev while I was gone, huh?"  
"You'll be there for all the other moments." Mickey looked at him, "That's all that matters."

Ian smiled at him softly, "I just hope you two can forgive me completely for this one day."  
"You wanted to protect your son. I can't be mad at you for that. Now, stop with the sad track and set up the table."

Ian put the plates and everything out. Then he sighed and almost secretly took orange pill bottles out of his backpack.

"That your meds?" Mickey asked.  
Ian nodded, he still seemed ashamed when he talked about the disorder.  
"How do you have to take them?"  
"One from each bottle twice a day with food."

Mickey Took the bottles from Ian and read the labels.  
"They're helping?"  
"Make the manic less crazy. Depression less severe. I can handle this."  
Mickey nodded and looked at him softly, "I know you do"  
Then he took one from every bottle out and put the bottles out of Yevy's reach before putting the pills next to Ian's plate on the dining table.

Ian smiled at him softly and reached his hand out to him. Mickey took his hand and kissed his lips.  
"I love you" Ian whispered.  
Mickey nodded, "I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the evening they lay next to each other, Ian lay in Mickeys arms and was just held by him.

"I waited to sleep next to you again for such a long time." Ian whispered, his head on Mickeys chest, he listened to his heartbeat and smiled.  
"I don't even think I will be able to sleep, I'm scared you might be not there anymore when I wake up."  
"I will be there." He promised.  
Mickey wrapped his arms closer around him just to make sure he wouldn't disappear.

A silent knock came from the door.  
"Yeah?"  
Yevgeny opened the door.  
"Pops, Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"  
Mickey looked down at Ian who smiled up at him.

"Come over here, buddy" Mickey said to his son. Ian kissed Mickeys cheek and made space between them.  
"Come between us"

Yevgeny crawled over Mickey and lay down between them.  
"Dad will you still be here when I wake up?" He whispered.  
"Yes Yevy, I'm staying right here"

The next morning Ian was still there, sleeping close cuddled up to Yevgeny and Mickey.


End file.
